All of the thirteen official U.S. National Archives presidential libraries and museums are currently closed due to the coronavirus pandemic. When they reopen, there will certainly be some modifications to the procedures and exhibits to prevent the spread of the disease.
Since David Letterman is off enjoying his retirement somewhere, I will assume his responsibility of memorializing the crisis with a Top Ten list. Here I present...
The Top Ten Biggest Pandemic Changes to the Presidential Libraries
#10) Saxophone at the Clinton Museum now wiped with a Clorox-soaked rag after every five tourist renditions of “Heartbreak Hotel.”
#9) Drafting error in stimulus bill gives the entire $50 billion airline bailout to the Air Force One exhibit at the Reagan Museum.
#8) Swimming in fountain in front of Richard Nixon Library limited to three individuals from the same household.
#7) Coughing during the biographical movies now considered a worse offense than talking on cell phone.
#6) Plans for an immersive “Marilyn Monroe Experience” at the Kennedy Museum shelved until more personal protective equipment is available.
#5) Enhanced security check at George W. Bush Museum includes a nasal swab, a rectal thermometer reading, and a 14-day quarantine period.
#4) Future Trump Museum allocating an additional 2000 square feet to its “Things That Were Obama’s Fault” wing.
#3) Jimmy Carter’s library forced to downplay his humanitarian work when it turns out that the guinea worms were keeping coronavirus away for all of these years.
#2) Wad of gum chewed by Gerald Ford, to prove that he was in fact able to fart and chew gum at the same time, moved out of its interactive display and put behind glass.
#1) Herbert Hoover Museum now seen as a bright and cheery place compared to the rest of the world.
Until the presidents’ museums are open again, your only option is to visit them virtually. One way to do that is by reading Who Voted for the Hologram?: A Gruff Guidebook to the Presidential Libraries. Available now at an Amazon near you.
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