Who Voted for the Hologram?
A Gruff Guidebook to the Presidential Libraries
​
Enjoy a vicarious road trip to all thirteen official presidential libraries and museums, with unusual anecdotes and opinionated commentary at each stop.
Every year, hundreds of thousands of tourists visit the official presidential libraries and museums that are scattered across the U.S. From coconuts to cowboy hats, sailboats to sphinxes, and highchairs to holograms, these places contain odd mementos and priceless artifacts from all of the presidents since Herbert Hoover. This book takes us on a humorous adventure through the thirteen museums, with unusual anecdotes and opinionated commentary at every stop.
​
The lives of the presidents offer us many inspiring stories that are told here. One of our commanders-in-chief won a battle against an ancient tribal curse, while another lost a battle with a golf course tree. One president gave a piano to another, but then forced him to listen to a song that he hated. Read about the cannon-firing first lady, the joke-telling presidential robot, and the well-groomed chief executive whose hair caused a national scandal.
​
Purchase this book on Amazon.com. If that's too much of a commitment, you can read a few excerpts below.
Kennedy's Sailboat
John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum
One of the museum’s best-known possessions can be seen without even entering the building. If you walk around to the harbor side you will find President Kennedy’s sailboat Victura, which was given to him by his parents when he was a teen. He loved the boat so much that he once saved it from a hurricane with his bare hands, and he was known to draw doodles of it during dreary cabinet meetings. When we were on the brink of nuclear war amid the Cuban missile crisis, Kennedy was undoubtedly devising a plan to move Victura to an underground bunker in the Adirondacks.
​
We should be awed to see something that JFK personally used and cherished throughout his life. However, we have to remember that the boat is now 86 years old and is no longer in seaworthy condition. Its sails vanished into the wind long ago, making its bare hull and mast look insignificant compared to I. M. Pei’s landmark building and the scenic waterfront views. One underwhelmed museum visitor even derided Victura as a “sad sloop” in an online review. Every year it must be taken off display for several months of restoration work because, like most 86-year-olds, it wouldn’t survive outdoors during a Boston winter. Recently the museum resorted to a GoFundMe campaign to finance the boat’s repairs. At some point I expect they will throw in the towel and replace it with a replica that looks more impressive and is cheaper to maintain. Then the “sad sloop” guy will finally be happy.
The D-Day Table
Dwight D. Eisenhower Presidential Library & Museum
Before becoming president, Eisenhower’s most important job was Allied commander in Europe in World War II. Some of the war exhibits explain Ike’s role, but most are there mainly to provide context to those who need it. That’s a nice way of saying that some museum visitors lack basic knowledge of history, and unfamiliar terms such as “Pearl Harbor” and “Winston Churchill” must be defined and illustrated for them. Many tourists are surprised to learn that “blitzkrieg” is not one of Santa’s reindeer.
​
One of the museum’s showpieces is the table that was used by Eisenhower and other military leaders to plan the D-Day invasion. Unfortunately it looks just like any ordinary dining room table, so you’ll need to use your imagination to get the full experience. Make believe that there are a bunch of FDR’s National Geographic maps strewn across the table. Pretend there are generals sitting around it and speaking in code phrases like “Omaha Beach,” “Operation Overlord,” and “I guess now I can’t take any time off in June.” My imagination isn’t quite this good, though. When I look at the table, I can only picture Ike sitting there and eating a bowl of soup while waiting for the other guys to show up.
Carter's Grammy
Jimmy Carter Presidential Library & Museum
At the end of the exhibit hall we can view a few of the awards that Carter has won. It’s pretty cool to see his Nobel Peace Prize medal, but the real showpiece is the president’s Grammy trophy from The Recording Academy. Actually it’s the first of two Grammy awards that Carter has won, despite never having a hit song on the pop chart. These days you can win simply by writing a book and then reading it out loud. If you’ve never seen a Grammy in person before, then you are in for a real treat. You will be dazzled by how brightly it shines, as if illuminated by a dozen suns, but I think a lot of the effect is due to clever lighting at the museum. If I had a Grammy sitting on my desk it would probably look like crap.
​
Carter isn’t the only White House Grammy recipient. Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama have won the award as well. Notice that only Democratic presidents (and first ladies) are permitted to win Grammies. George W. Bush could sing a brilliant million-selling duet with Adele and he would still be snubbed by the Academy.
Bush's Lion from Tanzania
George W. Bush Presidential Library & Museum
Although I’m generally not a big fan of state gift exhibits, Bush’s museum has a couple of interesting items. The government of Rwanda gave the Bushes a dark but hauntingly beautiful portrait of Laura. As one of the docents pointed out to me, it was made with banana leaves. Tanzania managed to match that, however, by killing a lion and presenting the stuffed carcass to the president. I wanted to learn more about how and why this majestic animal had met its demise. Was it an evil man-eating lion that deserved to die, or was it cruelly hunted just so Tanzania could please an important foreign leader? Was a stuffed lion on George’s Amazon wish list, or did the president of Tanzania come up with the idea on his own? Was the meat served to the Bushes at a state dinner? How did it taste? Unfortunately the employee at the lion display did not have these answers, and was preoccupied with a futile attempt at keeping the throngs of schoolchildren from smudging the exhibit glass.
The Ronald Reagan Pub
Ronald Reagan Presidential Library & Museum
If you get hungry midway through your visit, you can visit the Ronald Reagan Pub inside of the Air Force One Pavilion. The history here is actually more interesting than the prepackaged food. In 1984, the Reagans visited the president’s ancestral homeland of Ireland and stopped for a drink at a local pub. The owners were so impressed with the couple that they renamed their establishment after the president. Eventually the pub closed, probably because there isn’t much demand for alcoholic beverages in Ireland, and the museum bought the furnishings and fixtures and moved them here. Unfortunately the taps and shot glasses got lost somewhere over the Atlantic, so the best you can hope for now is bottled beer. A Jameson sign still hangs on the wall as if to taunt us with the promise of whiskey that is unavailable.
For more history, trivia, and unusual sights from all 13 official presidential museums, read Who Voted for the Hologram? by Dennis Brown
Rate Who Voted for the Hologram? on Goodreads.