Update: This post is about songs that were once really popular in the U.S., but that no one ever hears (or even discusses) today. You might prefer to read about a few great obscure '80s songs that never became hits in the first place, or some even more obscure ones that reached Billboard's "Bubbling Under" chart. Or maybe even check out my new blog about the supposed "worst" #1 hits of all time.
My latest book, The ‘80s Are Enough, is a grouchy but somewhat humorous look back at the music of the 1980s. Usually I write about very serious matters like telecommunications law, and this pop culture detour makes me feel a little sleazy. It’s as if David McCullough took a break from historical biographies to churn out a book full of celebrity horoscope readings. (Not that I’m in the same league as him, because he currently has slightly more Pulitzer Prizes than I do.) However, I don’t want to leave the subject of ‘80s music until I’ve covered one more thing.
I’ve always been fascinated by the way that some hit songs become classics, to be played over and over again, while others quickly fade away into oblivion. It’s impossible to predict a record’s future fate on the basis of its initial success. Consider two upbeat, motivational ‘80s anthems by the same band: Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” and “Be Good to Yourself.” Both peaked at #9 on the U.S. charts, but then took very different trajectories. “Don’t Stop Believin’” was used in the series finale of The Sopranos in 2007. Forty years after its release, it is one of the most played, streamed, downloaded, and hummed songs in the world. (The tune’s multi-octave range saves it from being one of the most belched.) It’s heard by millions of people around the world every day. “Be Good to Yourself” was used in White Water Summer, a 1987 Kevin Bacon flop that the actor probably wishes he was more than six degrees away from. It’s heard mainly by my neighbors when I get drunk and play my MP3 collection too loudly.
Occasionally, a lost hit will be resurrected and reappear in regular play on oldies radio stations. An example of this is Dutch singer Taco’s 1983 version of Irving Berlin’s “Puttin’ on the Ritz.” Once viewed as a mere novelty, it was vanquished from our consciousness for many years before returning to the airwaves as a beloved classic.
I’ve looked back at the ‘80s music charts (Billboard, of course), and have identified a few of the biggest hits that have fallen into obscurity. All of the songs discussed here were once top 10 records in the U.S., but are now rarely mentioned by anyone. I’ve divided them into nine categories:
Category 1: Easy Listening Hell
The early 1980s was a time of disarray in popular music. Disco was on its way out, but no one could agree on what to listen to next. Tragically, soft rock radio stations jumped in to fill the void.
Some of the slow, sleepy ballads from this era have kept a presence in our minds. Even if we don’t hear Christopher Cross and Air Supply too often anymore, we still remember what they sound like. Other songs have vanished completely. Does anyone recall Larry Graham’s “One in a Million You,” or Billy Preston & Syreeta’s “With You I’m Born Again”? How about A Taste of Honey’s remake of “Sukiyaki”? Believe it or not, all three were top 10 pop hits. “Sukiyaki” and “One in a Million You” were also #1 R&B hits, which evidently did little to cement a lasting legacy.
Category 2: Right Music, Wrong Decade
Some of the other hits from the early 1980s have faded away because they are not very representative of the decade. An ‘80s oldies station knows that its listeners don’t want to hear ‘70s acts like Andy Gibb (“Desire”) or The Brothers Johnson (“Stomp!”). The retro sounds of Jimmy Ruffin’s “Hold On (To My Love)” and Manhattan Transfer’s “Boy from New York City” are just a little too retro for fans of Bon Jovi and Cyndi Lauper. And Olivia Newton-John has been unfairly pigeonholed as a ‘70s act, despite achieving some of her greatest success in the early ‘80s (and having Billboard’s biggest hit of the decade). “Xanadu,” “Make a Move on Me,” “Heart Attack,” and “Twist of Fate” have been out of favor with radio programmers for a long time.
Category 3: No Respect
The efforts of some musical acts simply haven’t engendered much critical recognition, and this has led their music to be discarded despite its initial popularity. While we might expect this to be the case for teenyboppers like Tiffany and New Kids on the Block, several overly ambitious actors from the ‘80s are in the same boat. Today we rarely hear the rich singing voices of Tracey Ullman (“They Don’t Know”), Don Johnson (“Heartbeat”), and Bruce Willis (“Respect Yourself”). David Lee Roth seems to be another victim of this phenomenon. Diamond Dave’s work with Van Halen is deemed palatable, but his solo hits like “California Girls” and “Just Like Paradise” are not.
Category 4: Too Much Respect
The opposite effect may be going on with The Rolling Stones. Most of their biggest hits from the ‘80s vanished almost immediately after their chart runs: “Emotional Rescue,” “Undercover of the Night,” “Harlem Shuffle,” and “Mixed Emotions.” The same goes for Mick Jagger’s duets with Michael Jackson (“State of Shock”) and David Bowie (“Dancing in the Street”). My theory is that Top 40 radio gave these records a chance only because of the Stones’ reputation, despite being not quite right for the format. Or, in the case of Mick’s duets, despite being awful. Radio stations were happy to see the songs go down the memory hole a couple of months later, so that they could instead play “Start Me Up” for the 3,245,101st time.
Category 5: The Weak Spots in the Catalog
Prince left us with classic songs like “When Doves Cry” and “Raspberry Beret.” So why should we ever waste time listening to “Pop Life” or “Alphabet St.”? Bruce Springsteen, Heart, and Bob Seger have all given us plenty of original music, so why dwell on a remake like “War,” “Tell It Like It Is,” or “Tryin’ to Live My Life Without You”?
There are plenty of other examples of major ‘80s acts seeing one of their big hits eclipsed by their even bigger hits. REO Speedwagon’s “Keep the Fire Burnin’” has dropped out of sight, along with Sting’s “Fortress Around Your Heart,” David Bowie’s “Blue Jean,” and Lionel Richie’s “Love Will Conquer All.” Stevie Wonder (“Go Home”), Elton John (“Nikita”), Loverboy (“This Could Be the Night”), Wham! (“The Edge of Heaven”), and Kool & The Gang (“Victory”) are also not immune. ZZ Top completely missed the top 40 with “Sharp Dressed Man,” but this chart flop is heard far more often than their top 10 hit “Sleeping Bag.”
Madonna has rarely had a problem getting airplay, but even she has one huge ‘80s hit that has mostly disappeared from radio. “Causing a Commotion” spent three weeks at #2 in 1987, blocked from the chart pinnacle only by Michael Jackson’s “Bad” and Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now.” If Madonna had just hired a thug to keep Tiffany out of the recording studio, “Commotion” would have been a #1 hit. This might have saved it from the relative obscurity that it endures today.
Category 6: One-and-a-Half Hit Wonders
A few ‘80s acts are incorrectly regarded as one-hit wonders, because their first hit stayed in the public eye while their follow-up(s) dropped quickly out of sight. Neneh Cherry stampeded into our lives with “Buffalo Stance,” but then “Kisses on the Wind” got blown away. Robbie Nevil is known for singing “C’est La Vie,” but “Wot’s It to Ya” sounds more like something that his A&R rep would say when Nevil asks why the label won’t submit his album for Grammy consideration. And Information Society’s “What’s On Your Mind? (Pure Energy)” still regales us with Spock’s voice, while “Walking Away” suffered a glitch in the transporter and wound up on the other side of Jupiter.
Category 7: Fads and Novelties
Aside from pure novelties like “Pac-Man Fever,” and true fads like the hit medleys of ’81 and ’82, there are a few quirky movie themes that can be squeezed into this category. Remember Cyndi Lauper singing the theme from The Goonies? Or Sir Paul McCartney lowering himself to the level of “Spies Like Us”? And how about Prince’s “Batdance”? Ray Parker Jr. is lucky that “Ghostbusters” didn’t get similarly tossed aside as a forgettable novelty record after its trip to the top of the charts.
The breakdancing fad also produced a couple of 1984 hits that haven’t stayed relevant: Ollie & Jerry’s “Breakin’... There’s No Stopping Us” and Irene Cara’s “Breakdance.” What’s this new feeling coming out of the streets? In 2021, it’s not a breakdance. It’s probably an anti-mask protest.
Category 8: George Michael’s Serious Phase
In the late 1980s, George Michael wanted to convince us that he was no longer the reckless young man who gave us such ear candy as “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” His newfound gravitas yielded three hit songs that quickly vanished: “Kissing a Fool,” “A Different Corner,” and “Heaven Help Me” (which is credited to Deon Estus but has George’s fingerprints all over it). It turns out that listeners preferred the immature version of George to these depressing ballads.
Category 9: People Named Delbert
It is an unwritten rule that men named Delbert are not allowed to have hit records. (Women named Delbert probably aren’t either, though this has yet to be tested.) Delbert McClinton broke this commandment in early 1981 by reaching #8 with the catchy, blues-influenced “Giving It Up for Your Love.” As his punishment, the song has been relegated to the deepest depths of forgotten history. It gets my vote as the most obscure top 10 hit of the 1980s.
Conclusion
There are a few other lost songs that don’t fit cleanly into any of these nine divisions. Breathe’s “Hands to Heaven” might be considered an extension of the soft rock torture of the early ‘80s, even though it wasn’t released until 1988. Diana Ross has several forgotten hits, but her predicament is somewhere between Olivia Newton-John’s and The Rolling Stones’. And Sheena Easton is teetering on the verge of needing her own new category.
As I finished writing this up, I decided to do a Google search for similar discussions. I discovered that radio guru Sean Ross has performed a rigorous mathematical analysis to produce a definitive list of The 100 Most Lost Songs of the 1980s (as of May 2020). While there is a lot of overlap between his list and mine, there are some important differences. His #1 lostest ‘80s hit is Don McLean’s remake of Roy Orbison’s “Crying” – which definitely fits into Category 1 on my list. But Delbert McClinton must be getting a few radio spins somewhere, because he didn’t make it onto Sean’s list at all. Maybe Delbert still gets played on stations in his hometown of Lubbock, alongside current hits by Olivia Rodrigo and Drake.
Do you want to argue about any of this? Feel free to add your comments below.
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